Gender Disparities in Caregivers: How to Fix It

The Double-Edged Sword of Increasing Lifespans in the Modern Age

We can thank the medical advancements of the 21st century for the great gift of spending extra decades with our parents and loved ones. It is predicted by U.S. Census data that the number of people aged 65 or older will increase to 95 million by 2060. But what happens when chronic illnesses like Alzheimer’s increase along with this expanded lifespan? Who should take responsibility for caring for the elderly? It is the unattractive questions of domesticity such as these that do not grow more convenient with the gift of medical advances.

When an aging body inevitably grows frail, we turn to the friends and family we have made throughout our lives for support. This is largely due to the fact that elder care services are expensive and the physical commute may be inconvenient for all parties involved. Factors like these lead to informal family caregivers stepping in to provide care in the absence of professional help. Acts of caregiving are very broad and vary based on the person’s needs, which often include physical assistance with bathing, cooking, and walking, as well as the emotional labor of providing companionship.

We all strive to stay connected with our aging loved ones and want the best for their physical and emotional states. Staying up to date with them is made easier compared to twenty years ago with the age of digital media. However, the responsibilities of family caregiving demand time, dedication, and energy. These demands build up the list of items in the caregiver’s daily life.

Whose Shoulder Does Care Land On?

When we picture the volunteer that takes on these demands for the sake of caregiving, what kind of person comes first to mind? If you have pictured a woman, you would not be alone.

When we look at the gendered data for informal family caregivers, more than half of the time it is the daughters who volunteer. Statistical data tells us that women become the primary caregivers roughly 67% of the time. To put this into perspective with regards to family unit dynamics, sisters spend a greater proportion of time staying connected to their aging mothers and fathers, and find themselves getting rewarded with a greater load of responsibilities for it.

Study author Angelina Grigoryeva puts this imbalance between siblings into words: “Sons reduce their relative caregiving efforts when they have a sister, while daughters increase theirs when they have a brother. This suggests that sons pass on caregiving responsibilities to their sisters.”

Society as the Elephant in the Room

There is no one simple answer for why there is a gendered difference in the act of caregiving, and I cannot be foolish enough to assume that a single statistic accounts for all the involved sons in family units. However, it does not take a historian or a professional gender studies student to connect the majority of female caregivers to the gender roles society has socialized males and females into.

Gender stereotypes—for a large part of our history—have socialized sons and fathers to be the breadwinners and providers of the family, while the roles of daughters and mothers have been in the home, making sure the domestic space is accommodating. Men, for the large part of the 20th century, could find an identity in the workplace outside of the home whilst calling it “providing,” whereas women’s identity was intertwined with the house and kids. We have come a long way from the strict nature of gender roles since the 1970s, but as the statistics show the prevalence of female caregivers, a long way does not mean all the way. Given the demanding nature of caregiving, this gendered difference is worth noting.

Caregivers of elderly parents likely have to balance work and family life on a daily basis. Female caregivers with children of their own experience the “sandwiched” feeling of caring for the generation below and above them at the same time, which means double the emotional labor, if not the physical labor as well. Juggling work and caregiving at the same time is much more taxing for women compared to men, due to the fact that if they experience burnout in the domestic sphere, their income is more likely to be affected.

Burdens Don’t Get Easier, but They Become Less Heavy When Shared

Without proper help, burnout is just a matter of time for any caregiver, son or daughter. Help can come in many forms, and I believe that encouraging men to grow accustomed to the act of caregiving is the first step to bridging the gender gap. I believe that the majority of brothers have their family’s best interests at heart just as much as their sisters do, but they may not be as adept at knowing how to express care. American culture, in particular, has socialized males to embody competitive and decisive traits suited for mastering the equally competitive professional world, which could be difficult to translate into the domestic space.

Competition and money will not provide a solution to the reality that one’s mother is growing frailer by the day, nor the fact that one’s father cannot walk without assistance. Sons may care as deeply as their sisters about the sobering knowledge that their parents require increasing support, but they may experience more systemic barriers in their desire to become a caregiver. Journalist Brigid Schulte has conducted research on male caregivers and listened to their first-hand grievances. Among these grievances are the feelings of being unsupported by their own family, feeling targeted by social stigma, and feeling like public policies rarely prioritize them.

Although it may sound bleak, Schulte also acknowledges the male caregivers who report that the experience of caregiving profoundly changed them for the better. This reflects the idea that providing care is a welcome deviation from the masculine expectations imposed upon them by society. Men are less likely to come into this role having internalized perfectionism or self-criticism the way social expectations have influenced women, meaning they are able to fulfill the demands of caregiving with feelings of reward instead of pressure. With this being said, bridging the gender gap not only provides opportunities for sons to explore gentler forms of self-expression, but it could also make their sisters feel less alone on this journey when they show up physically.

Caring for parents naturally gives siblings more opportunities to visit their childhood home and see each other, which positively reinforces the sibling bond despite their diverging schedules in adulthood. Family bonding and teamwork provide a more sustainable means of affording healthcare if there are more hands that can aid the effort. Sisters could learn to lean on their brothers when the caregiver’s burden becomes too overwhelming, and brothers have an opportunity to be rewarded without feeling the need to perform masculinity. Through this shared labor, perhaps the gap created by society could begin to shrink.

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