Exploring Grief in Older Adults
Grief describes our emotional, social, physiological, and cognitive responses to a loss of any kind. It is usually associated with death, which is one of the biggest forms of loss anyone can endure. Grief is a natural experience for people of all ages, as loss is a universal experience. For that reason, it begs the question: what makes us grieve differently as we enter new stages of life? Is it maturity? Life experience? As we age, we tend to experience grief on a wider scale compared to when we were younger. This is because many of our loved ones start to die at a faster rate for various reasons, such as their health deteriorating with age.
Researchers coin this phenomenon as “compounded grief” or “bereavement overload,” which describes when an individual experiences multiple deaths at a rapid, overwhelming rate. When this happens, they don’t have enough time to successfully accept and process one death before another one happens. Such an occurrence can make it that much harder for older adults to process their grief, especially if they do not have a supportive social network they can rely on. As a result, older adults can feel emotionally exhausted or even paralyzed in their grief, making it challenging for them to form new connections and improve their quality of life.
How Compounded Grief Leads to PGD
If these symptoms persist, a person can develop Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), which is when their grief severely interferes with their daily functioning. PGD is different from regular grieving, as its symptoms must be disabling to the individual’s life and cause significant distress. To be diagnosed with PGD, the older adult’s loved one must have died at least one year ago. Additionally, they must display three or more symptoms from the following list for at least six months: identity confusion, intense loneliness, emotional numbness, emotional pain, problems with reintegrating with society, disbelief about the death, avoidance of reminders of their loved one’s passing, or believe that life is now meaningless.
Differentiating Older vs. Younger Individuals’ Grief
Older adults are at a higher risk of developing PGD than younger generations, because they are the largest subgroup of the population experiencing grief. As mentioned before, they may also lack social support, which is another risk factor for PGD. Without seeking proper mediation, their symptoms could be comorbid with other mental health conditions, such as generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder. This emotional support gap differs from younger individuals experiencing grief, as they generally have more opportunities to receive support from parents/family members, instructors, and peers. This can be expected, since their youth would typically mean that their larger support group is more likely to still be alive and part of their lives.
Another reason why older adults grieve differently and experience higher rates of PGD is cultural: social norms are placed on older adults over how long they should grieve for and what reactions are deemed “socially acceptable.” A common phrase associated with this is “picking oneself up by their bootstraps,” which means to be self-reliant and handle situations on your own without help. With grief, this sentiment is expected more among older adults than it is with younger generations. This is because younger individuals may not have been exposed to such cultural norms due to their age, allowing them to more freely express their grief without the expectation self-reliance.
An example of this social norm difference is how crying is perceived and handled. For older adults, they may feel pressured to not cry as much and appear strong in front of others because they are older. Society tends to assume that they should already be “used to grief” the more they experience it. Ultimately, older adults may internalize these beliefs, making it harder for them to process their grief. Opposingly, it is more socially acceptable for a younger person to cry and show their emotions without fear of judgment or appearing a certain way. Simply put, society expects older adults to act more stoic than younger individuals. In fear of breaking this stereotype, older adults choose to conform. Even though this action may seem beneficial at first, it can cause them more distress due to compounded grief.
Increased stress can be dangerous for older adults to experience, as it can manifest in problematic behaviors, such as decreased appetite and forgetfulness. In turn, it can make them more highly focused on their and their loved ones’ deaths, especially when faced with compounded grief. Constantly thinking about one’s own death can be quite stressful, especially when facing other health problems that tend to emerge with age. If one does not employ the proper tactics to combat this stress, thinking about death can preoccupy their mind and make them develop learned helplessness. Learned helplessness is when one is conditioned to believe there is nothing they can do to change their situation or environment after a series of negative events. It goes without saying that this is bad, as it can result in feelings of hoplelessness.
Ways to Help With Grief
Although compounded grief can be debilitating, there are still ways to mitigate its effects. When a loved one dies, many people feel as if they are drowning in their grief with no end in sight. Consequently, they may neglect self-care. Loved ones can offer to help with errands and household tasks, such as taking medications, grocery shopping, vacuuming, cooking, and the like. Providing support and companionship can reduce the burden and also reduce feelings of isolation.
Additionally, continued support even after a significant amount of time has passed is beneficial. Generally, right after someone dies, people tend to offer a lot of support to the grieving individual. However, over time, such support dissipates, which can make them feel more alone and socially isolated. It is important to maintain a level of support that is comfortable for both the grieving individual and their support system. This can be accomplished through frequent contact, regular updates checking up on them.
Another option is grief therapy. These services are greatly helpful for those experiencing compounded grief, especially if that transitions into PGD. As mentioned above, older adults may have a harder time seeking due to their perception of social norms surrounding grief. In turn, they may be hesitant to accept help from a professional. They need to be convinced that seeking counseling is acceptable and of its benefits.
Grief is such an overwhelming experience that no one becomes accustomed to it. Although it is something we learn to anticipate, that does not reduce its impact or make it look the same on each individual. Therefore, we should not treat older adults differently than younger individuals just because they are older. Instead, we should be compassionate and remember that we are all experiencing life for the first time, and that nothing we do can make death and processing it easier. Hopefully, by doing this, we can feel more connected with each other and reduce rates of isolation.
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